Blonde Jokes No offense to those of you who are blonde. Cause some of these are rude.
1.) What do you call an eternity?
Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
2.) Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
3.) Three Blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours they finally saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left" so they turned around and went home. On the way home they saw a sign that said "Clean Restrooms" so they stoped and cleaned all 40 restrooms and went home!
4.) What do SMART Blondes and UFO's have in common?
You always hear about them but never see them.
5.) What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?
Oh look, Daddy...Doughnut seeds.
6.) Why did the Blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.
7.) Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
8.) How can you tell when a Blonde sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
9.) Why can't Blondes dial 911?
They can't find the 11 on the phone!
10.) What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you?
Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!
11.) How can you tell if a Blonde has been using your computer?
There is white-out all over the monitor.
12.) Why shouldn't Blondes have coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
13.) A brunnette goes to the doctor and as she touches every part of her body with her finger she says, "Doctor it hurts everywhere. My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, and even my head hurts!" The doctor asks, "Where you ever a Blonde?" "Yes I was." she replies. "why do you ask?" The doctor answers, "because your finger is broken!"
14.) A Blonde and a brunnette were walking outside when the brunnette said, "Oh look at the dead bird." The Blonde looked skyward and said, "Where, where?"
15.) A brunnette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from rail to rail, saying "21" "21" "21" A Blonde walks up, sees her and decides to join her. She also starts jumping from rail to rail, saying "21" "21" "21" Suddenly, the brunnette hears a train whistle and jumps off the tracks just as the Blonde is splattered all over the place. The Brunnette goes back to jumping from rail to rail , counting "22" "22" "22"
16.) How do you drown a Blonde?
Put a scratch & sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.
17.) Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one? You have to hollow out the head.
18.) How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
19.) Why don't Blondes like making KOOL-AID?
Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
20.) Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for Winter".
21.) Why won't they hire Blondes as pharmacists?
They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
22.) A Blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some morecoins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks. Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping and asking if someone else could have a go. The blonde spins around and shouts in her face, "Can't you see I'm winning?!"
23.) Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blonde said, "These look like deer tracks," and the other one said, "No they look like moose tracks." They argued and argued for a while... and they were still arguing when the train hit them.
24.) Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger, but they couldn't. The girl withthe coathanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxioously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down!"
25.) A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. Then one day she comes home and finds her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
26.) Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.
27.) What happenned to the blonde Ice Hockey Team?
They drowned in Spring Training.
28.) What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"
29.) Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.
30.) How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.